In this edition of Encounter, I want to explore how we face the reality of mistakes and failure.
In my own life, what has carried me through is the rich Christian tradition of love, grace, and forgiveness.
I have discovered a five-step way that helps me make sense of my world, especially when I am confronted with failure or fractured relationships.
The Five R’s
The way of Jesus has a distinctive way of responding to wrongdoing. It does not rely on pretending nothing happened. It does not punish harshly and then move on. It does not cheapen forgiveness into a smile and a wave.
Instead, it moves through a clear pathway:
Recognition. Repentance. Repair. Restraint. Resurrection.
This five-step way has been a lifeline for me, both personally and in my leadership.
- Recognition
The first step is naming the truth or having the truth named to us.
Sometimes recognition comes when you face your own failure, such as a word spoken in anger, a decision made in haste, or a silence that hurt more than speech. At other times recognition comes when someone else holds up a mirror and names how your actions have affected them. Both are uncomfortable, but both are necessary.
It is a tremendous act of love when someone who truly cares for us helps us see how we are impacting others.
Recognition often stirs shame or guilt. Those feelings can be painful. Yet they also help us learn. They remind us that truth matters and that God’s Spirit helps us face our humanity with honesty.
- Repentance
Recognition alone is not enough. The next step is repentance, turning in a new direction and turning back to God.
It is impossible to be a leader without moments of regret. People can be hurt by a leader’s words and actions. I have had that experience. And I have learned that expressing true sorrow, before God and before those I have wronged, is vital.
Repentance is more than regret. It is more than wishing something had not happened. It is a choice to say, “I want to walk a new path.”
- Repair
But repentance without repair is hollow.
Repair is the costly step. It means doing what we can to make things right. Sometimes repair looks like an apology. Sometimes it means redress. Often it is the slow rebuilding of trust.
As a church, we have learned that words alone are not enough. People know the difference between saying sorry and showing change. Repair demands time, humility, and perseverance. It often takes longer than we would like, but it is the path of integrity.
- Restraint
This is the step many of us would rather skip.
Restraint means accepting boundaries after wrongdoing. It is recognising that consequences remain even when forgiveness is offered.
In leadership I have seen this when someone mishandles a serious matter. They may keep their role, but they lose certain authorities or responsibilities. That limitation is not punishment for its own sake. It is a way of keeping others safe and protecting the integrity of the community.
Most of us know what it feels like to live with boundaries shaped by past mistakes. Carrying scars and limits is part of being human. Grace does not erase those boundaries. It teaches us how to live within them.
- Resurrection
And yet the final word is not failure or limitation. The final word is resurrection.
Resurrection does not erase scars. It does not rewrite history. But in Christ it means the weight of guilt no longer chains us. New life can emerge even from failure.
We face the truth about ourselves and our circumstances and then grace touches us. We are reminded that we are loved, not because we earned it, but because Christ has already carried sin and death. Resurrection is knowing that love and choosing to live lovingly in response.
Why This Matters
Mistakes and failures are part of every life, including mine. What makes the difference is not whether we stumble, but how we walk through and beyond the stumble.
The five-step way of Recognition, Repentance, Repair, Restraint and Resurrection gives us a map. It grounds us in honesty and humility, and it points us to hope.
As Bishop, I carry scars. I live within boundaries. And I am learning again and again to let resurrection have the last word. To be someone who carries the hope of heaven in my heart.
This is what I long for in our church and our communities too. Not denial, not shame, not easy forgiveness. We want to be people who promote truth, repair, accept boundaries that protect, and the promise of new life in Christ.
